Kids Are Like Plants: How Does Your Garden Grow?

I'm not a natural gardener. I know, I could learn how to garden well, but it makes me hot, sweaty, and itchy; I just don't have that desire to dig in the dirt, to connect with nature; it's a spiritual defect, I think. However, I love flowers, and a well-ordered, well-tended garden brings me great peace and satisfaction.

Fortunately for me, the previous owner of my house left me the gift of easy care Bermuda grass, low-maintenance bushes, and lots of perennials, which means I don't have to buy and plant new flowers every year. Yay!

But low maintenance doesn't mean no maintenance; several of the plants were looking scruffy, so I got out my pruning shears and got busy.

As I happily whacked and tidied, my mind started wandering; "Hm, I wonder if this plant would be better off if I just left it alone? After all, this is all natural growth, not diseased or anything; Is "natural" better? Can the plant feel pain? Is it just vanity to want things to look tidier? Maybe it's wrong to 'inhibit' the plant's growth? "

This made me think of how I used to be with my kids; I worried about being too harsh, especially with correction; I was uncomfortable with the word "punish" (I kind of still am, tbh!) and was reluctant to use any consequence that upset my kids--I was worried I might stifle their natural joy and childish energy; I wanted them to cooperate, and wondered if maybe giving choices would be better than telling them what to do.

But I was always stressed by their behavior--bickering, tantrums, stubbornness, yelling--and knew something had to change; I had to change something!

Here's the thing about the plants: I don't actually know if they can feel things like we do, but I do know that pruning off that "natural" growth actually allows the nutrients to go towards strengthening the plant. Maybe it's vanity to want an orderly and tidy garden, but frankly, the order and beauty of a well-trimmed and maintained garden reflects the order and beauty of the creator. Plus it brings me peace.

So, even though I don't love gardening, I tend the garden; because I have a garden I tend the garden; I plant and weed, I mulch and dead-head. And sometimes, I prune. I can either do the work now, when it's relatively easy, or I can do it later, when the garden is overgrown, ugly, and difficult to salvage.

Kids are like plants: they occasionally need pruning in order to be healthy and strong. You may not love the pruning process--few of us do; we don't like our kids' disapproval, we don't like to punish, and being consistent is really hard work.

It took me a good long while to realize I could either deal with the unpleasant aspects of being a mom while the kids were still young and pretty easy to correct, or I could just let things go until things would be hard to salvage. I could do the work now or later, but now or later, there would be a price to pay.

Since I had children, I had to tend the children.

The lesson from the garden is clear: natural isn't necessarily healthy and good; untended plants disrupt the harmony and peace of the garden. A good gardener does what needs to be done to keep the plants healthy, to help them reach the beauty they're created to display, and to enhance the rest of the garden, even if the work is hard.

Children display a lot of very "natural" behaviors that suck the energy and life from them, make it more difficult for them to reach their potential, and leave them disordered.

Stop these natural but ultimately damaging behaviors from growing too big to manage; correct quickly (sharp shears are best), then focus on nurturing healthy growth; if you miss one today, it'll still be there tomorrow, I promise.

Devote yourself to trimming off life-sucking growth, and help your little plants grow into the beauty they're created for.

Contact me for help. Click the button above to set up a free phone call, check out the free resources on my website (kayewilsonparenting.com), read my blog, or check out my 12-lesson audio course on parenting. The VIP version of this course includes 12 free face-to-face coaching sessions!

Dealing with an untended garden is a hassle; enduring life with grown children who've been left to grow untended is a grief that you won't have to endure if you're willing to do the hard work now!

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