I'm not one of those people who knew from the time I was little what I was going to be when I grew up. At various times, I wanted to be a spy, a professional ice skater, an American Indian (loved the beads and moccasins!), an NFL quarterback, a stable-owner, and a famous pianist. The thought of being a mother never crossed my mind, nor did teaching, both of which I've spent most of my adult life doing. Needless to say, the thought of being a parent coach was not on the radar--I didn't even know it was a thing. Although I got a degree in piano, and my professor really wanted me to be a concert pianist, (not the super-famous kinds, just the kind that plays recitals for music clubs) I was too distracted; my thoughts were consumed with the possibility that I would never marry. Yes, I was one of those girls that thought 23 was nearly over-the-hill, and meeting good guys past college? Highly unlikely.
So I found someone, fell in love, and got married. End of potential career, end of graduate studies. (If you hear regret, it’s really only mild–I doubt I’d have ever had a performing career, but a Master’s would have been nice, and the greater repertoire and musical knowledge would be really great to have!)
The thing that’s important to know is that I gave birth to five children over the course of ten years. I was completely swept away by the romance of children–of being a mom! I loved their sweetness, their need for me, and the love and nurturing that
There was just one little problem. Whereas I grew up always wanting to please my parents and teachers, and avoiding anything that would get me in trouble, my kids didn’t seem to care! They were fine upsetting me! I’d never really been around kids much, and had never heard of the terrible twos; how was I going to deal with willful, ornery little ones???
In the course of my search for “the solution” somebody told me about John Rosemond. His books helped me see how my overthinking and over-psychologizing was making my job ten times harder than it needed to be.
I began to see a way through my confused thinking. I started telling my kids what I expected of them instead of asking them, and started to feel confident that I could do this! Household chores? Done! Dinner in public? No sweat! Respect for adults? I got this!
As long as I kept my confidence and focus, (and didn’t get caught up in arguments!) things went smoothly. But I was always my own worst enemy. Often I’d slip into thinking that surely if I just explained things to my kids, they’d obey, right? And a lot of the time I was afraid of their reaction–what if they got upset? What if they didn’t like me? Sad, I know. Really lame.
I realized that a lot of mothers–a LOT–struggle with the same things I did. During my time as a teacher and as a headmaster, I met mom after mom who wanted the best for her children but who didn’t recognize some of the things she was doing to sabotage
Hence, my desire to be a coach. If I could communicate some of what I’d learned through my experiences as a mom, and as a teacher and headmaster, maybe some other moms would feel more confident in their own parenting! Maybe this would lead to more well-adjusted young people, taking more responsibility for themselves and learning to be respectful, responsible, and resourceful! Teachers would have attentive students! Learning would take place! The whole world would be a better place!
Seriously though, I just want the opportunity to encourage parents to lead their kids with confidence and assurance, which hopefully will help children grow up secure in their parents’ love and leadership, and able to grow into well-adjusted and happy adults- like mine are now.
If you need encouragement, or advice on a specific parenting issue, contact me at kwilsonok@gmail.com to set up some coaching!