There are certainly moments in the history of my parenting career that I regret, times when I yelled, spoke unkindly or impatiently, times when I may not have actually said much, but I know my attitude spoke volumes about how frustrated and disappointed I was. Instead of clear, clean communication, I gave my kids angry words, looks, and sighs.
This is the norm for most of us moms; most of us carry with us the fear that some outburst, bad attitude, or thoughtless word may have caused serious damage to our children and our ongoing relationship with them. It's not uncommon for us to agonize over our mistakes, dredging them up time and time again, beating ourselves up for being a "bad mom".
It's what we commonly refer to as "Mommy Guilt" and it needs to stop.
When we wallow in guilt for our mistakes, we can't move forward. We lose sight of reality because we allow whatever we did to get blown up to such a huge proportion that it obscures the truth! The truth is that most of the mistakes we make, most of our poor decisions, are not catastrophic, and our kids will not even remember them.
A recent request for old pictures made this clear to me; as I combed through old family photos, I was struck by just how happy everyone looked!Â
I'd become so focused on my painful mistakes, embedding them in my brain as I worried over what I'd "done" to my kids, that I'd completely forgotten some of the best times.
The fact is, for the most part, my kids had a great childhood! In conversation with them through their adult years, I've asked my children: did they remember the things I'd agonized over? Usually not, and certainly not in the hyper-negative way that I remembered them.
Yes, we make mistakes. Yes, we do and say stupid and sometimes hurtful things. (Honestly, we probably do this more with our husbands than our kids!) And no, this is not good. Of course, we have to recognize our mistakes and apologize from the heart, then try to do better.
At that point we have a choice to make: are we going to continue to beat ourselves up, wallowing in our guilt, or are we going to put it behind us and move forward?
As I looked through those photos, I had to wonder just how much more I'd have enjoyed those years if I'd been able to let go of my mistakes right away, and just move forward!
If you find yourself obsessing over mistakes you've made with your kids, it's not too late to escape your paralysis, turn around, and look ahead!
Here is a wonderful Bible verse I'd like to share with you:
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3: 13-14 NIV
The fact that we're called to be moms doesn't mean we're always excited about the job, or that we're always going to do it right.
Our parents made mistakes with us; we have, and will continue to make mistakes with our own kids. Regardless, we have to look ahead, staying focused on the goal, because looking back can only paralyze us.
This parenting thing isn't a test to pass or fail; being a parent is just a continuation of growing up into the person we are created to be, as well as the process of helping our kids grow up into who they are created to be.
Through our kids, God helps us to see the weaknesses we are blind to; we are humbled, corrected, shown mercy, and reminded of God's love. He allows our kids to bump into these weaknesses; God uses what seems only negative to shape our kids in positive ways, and to strengthen our relationship with them.
It's grace and love, all the way down.
When you think of your mistakes, let them humble you, but don't let them incapacitate you. Instead of looking back with regret, look forward in hope! Let these things change you, and move forward, knowing that God is committed to helping you become the kind of person, the kind of mom, that you really want to be. "He who has called you is faithful, and he will do it." I Thess. 5: 24
If you don't have a clear idea of your goal as a parent, try using the Parenting Goals Assessment. If you need guidance to become the mom you want to be, click here or the button above to set up a call to see if one-to-one coaching would be right for you.
Go to my website where you can find all sorts of FREE parenting resources.
And check out my 12-lesson audio course, Becoming the Mom You Want to Be, 12 short audio lessons that will help you lay a great foundation for your kids. It includes a free workbook, guides to manners and chores, the parenting goals assessment mentioned above, and more!
In honor of my two most recently born grandchildren (born Aug.2 and Sept. 5), for a limited time if you subscribe to my newsletter, you can get access to this course at 20% off the regular price. If you purchase the VIP version of the course, which includes live coaching via Zoom, that amounts to a savings of over $45!
Make sure you are subscribed to the newsletter (there is no fee for this), then use the coupon code you'll receive in your inbox.
I'm so grateful for moms like you! Because of you and your efforts, because you're consciously investing in your kids instead of leaving things to chance, the rest of us will be blessed!
Thank you!!!
#KayeWilsonParenting #christianparenting #intentionalparenting #overcomingmomguilt #momguilt #parentinggoals #joyfulparenting #leadershipparenting #wiseparenting #keeplookingforward #eyesontheprize
Comments