I haven’t written anything for literally months, as you can easily see. There’s a reason for this. I’ve actually intentionally avoided blogging; something in me resists giving advice right now–while I have a lot of experience, there’s so much I don’t know, so many other excellent voices out there regarding parenting issues, and I’m going through so many transitions myself that I just don’t really want to be in the position of “expert.”
So, where does that leave this blog? Well, the title isn’t going to change for the moment, but I still want to communicate with my readers what’s going on in my thinking, just not limited to parenting, and not simply from the perspective of an expert. I want to speak from the position of a 56 year old woman with a host of new roles. I’m working at understanding what I’m meant to do now that my career as a mother is over, now that none of my children will be living anywhere near me and my husband.
Many of the things I envisioned earlier in my life are ending up to be quite different than what I’d thought. My marriage is changing, and I’m trying to figure out what needs to change in my outlook, habits, and expectations regarding this most important of relationships. I’ve quit a teaching job so I can have more freedom to travel to see my kids, but travel won’t be constant, so I need to learn to find meaningful daily work of some kind. My parents are aging, and while they are still quite active and engaged, there are changes taking place with them, too. And, I’ve recently become a grandmother, to a jaunty six-month-old boy and a precious 1-month-old baby girl.
I have some abilities I’ve allowed to lie dormant while I applied my energies to child-rearing; I was an accomplished pianist, I’m good at French, I love writing–where do these things fit? My attempt to start a parent-coaching business has not resulted in much of anything. I don’t want a full-time job, and I’m not even sure I want a part-time job–because, as I said, I want to be able to visit my kids without worrying about getting time off, or inconveniencing anyone.
I’ve thought of “writing a book,” in quotes, because that’s what everyone thinks of doing when they retire. Am I capable of the discipline required for such a task? I haven’t been so far. My own lack of confidence, my own insecurities, my own reticence to promote myself–in short, my own personality makes it difficult to know which direction to pursue.
My anchor is Christ. This is not an exaggeration, nor is it simply a refrigerator magnet saying for me–He really is my anchor, preventing me from drifting too far. So are the routines of liturgical worship, daily prayer, exercise, keeping house, and reading. I’ve found I need to be reading something by C.S. Lewis or G. K. Chesterton at all times, because these two men in particular have a way of translating Christianity in all it’s mystery, complexity, and simplicity that resonates very deeply for me. Reading the Proverbs and Psalms is also essential.
In the days to come, I will share observations and insights I come across, as well as things I’ve found (like cosmetics, recipes, quotes, fashion, etc.) that I really like, and, hopefully, some photos as well. I’m learning about the whole blog thing, and it will probably take me awhile to figure out just what this one will be and how it will look.
Nevertheless, here goes. If you have interest in what I write, please let me know, and share with others. I’d love to hear from you.